I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I could fuck to npr.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
