man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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