She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
