im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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