New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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