he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
