Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
