Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
