I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize