2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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