It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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