i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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