i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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