happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
