That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sorry about my life...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
