Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
