My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
