I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
