shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
