five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
