You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
