I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
