It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
