I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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