i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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