can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
