so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
