$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
