I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
