i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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