I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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