I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
