is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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