So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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