operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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