The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
