there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
