its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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