A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
