Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
