We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
