It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
