I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
