its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
