It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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