ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
