So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
