Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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