Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
