You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
