I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
