Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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