I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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