I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
