I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
