just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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