There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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