i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
