Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
