...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
