i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
