The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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