you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
