UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
