i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
