We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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