she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
