yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
